2019: Blue Door Babes

"You're only supposed to start missing something after you've said goodbye, right?

I've found a home here in Florida. My best friends are right here with me, and I enjoy what I do. We close at 6:15 now instead of 10:30. I'm good at my job and happy to do it, with even more friends than I ever thought.

Here is a girl who is sure of who she is. She's had to prove herself to friends skeptical of what she believes in. But they see a girl with a heart that's true. I love and care deeply, sometimes to my own heartache. Here is a girl who has found more of herself. She is healthy and happy as she is so active. She has found a part of herself that doesn't need to be performing all the time, and she's honestly healthier for it. She is someone who believes people can be completely wonderful and good and everything she's ever wanted, even without the gospel. And that scares her a little, but also feels nice. It feels nice to explore what others believe and get to talk about what you believe too. When there is only love, you can talk about anything.

A pile of plush. A khaki pack. Nighttime on the reserve. Downpours you can't outrun. Boys with blue eyes, and days under blue skies. Jellyrolls and NPH. Fanny packs and mom jeans. Being the only one home, cross-stitching or talking on Marco Polo. Loving Queen and ABBA more than you ever thought you would. Talking about animals every single day. Feeling love from people who didn't know me a couple months ago. Gilmore Girls and take out. Nights in Celebration visiting Q at the hospital. Unicorn parking and bus rides. A square red lunch box. A flattened safari hat.
Don't forget these things, okay?

Where do I belong?"

--An exert from a blog you'll never read.
That frantic memoir above is during December right around the time I was deciding whether or not I wanted to stay in Florida past my college program. We all know how that turned out lol, but I figured it was time for another update. Now that life is settling in around me in it's new way here.

So hello. I'm feeling in a very write-y mood, so hopefully you have a good blog ahead of you.

For those of you who somehow found my blog, but didn't see my post a couple weeks ago, yes I am living in Florida still. My college program ended on January 3rd, so I have been unemployed all this month; which has been both liberating and awful haha. The whole "money runs our society" thing has really gotta end, ya know? But let's delve into the miraculous story that led me here! As you can tell from my couple paragraphs above, I was having second thoughts about moving back home to Utah. It came as a shock to me too. I was so sure of myself. But things can change in an instant, and I guess this was one of those instants. The last few months of my program really were some of the happiest of my life. So, here we are, middle of December. I am happier than ever. I love my friends, I love my job, and I was even making new friends. And what's the point of making new friends if you are going to be in a different state in a couple weeks? I was feeling dramatic and started wondering if it was an actual possibility for me to stay in Florida. That's a plan I had in mind when I originally moved here, so why not? I mean I wrote that plan completely out of the picture once I actually GOT here.. but never mind that. So I stole a tactic I had learned from my sister, and I pretended I had made the decision to stay in Florida. Sit on it and really feel how that decision and it's consequences make me feel.

And so I started looking for houses/townhouses/apartments with my best friend Katie, because I knew she had also recently started planning on staying. And it wasn't easy, but it felt thrilling and fun, and why not right? I was (and am lol) young and single and happy in this little pocket of the world. I'm having adventures that I'll look back on with honey glazed eyes and sweet smiles. Home and school (whatever the crap I'm doing with that, still don't know) and friends and family will be in Utah still. They'll always be there. Not that I want to take that for granted, but it's okay. It'll be hard, but it'll be okay to not come home right away. So I indulged my idea even further and started telling other friends I had made in Florida that I might be staying. And their shared smiles and excitement pushed me on further. I was emailing places and calling people and texting friends who might want to move in with Katie and I. We tried talking Desiree and Sarah into it, but alas. To no avail. But we successfully found a third roommate pretty quickly: Shannon. Another lovely friend from safaris. We finally made some headway on a place in Kissimmee, and set up a tour. It was this adorable 4 bed/3 bath little single family home, completely furnished, and with a pool in the backyard. The rent was affordable, and we were set up as the first ones to tour it. It seemed like a dream when an old roommate of mine agreed to be our 4th roommate. It felt perfect.

Which of course means it isn't and something is bound to go wrong. The night before we were supposed to tour the house, our 4th roommate had to drop from the group. I was devastated, and also ridiculously frantic. I started posting everywhere online advertising that we needed another roommate. But without a "for sure" place or price, it was a little difficult. Katie, Shannon, and I decided to tour the house anyway--and I'm so glad we did. The house was just as adorable in person, and the landlord/relator was fantastic. We were totally sold. We just needed a 4th roommate. The next day I got a call from the relator telling us we had the place, he just needed information from the four of us. I was like "yeah okay perfect will do, the 4th person just isn't solidified yet, but we'll let you know" lolololol. But I got that call in the morning, I messaged people on Facebook all day, and we had a 4th roommate nailed down that night.
So here is where I tell you:

JENNA STONE IS A MIRACLE HUMAN. 

Thank you, okay, let me explain that a little further.
So I had posted about needing a roommate, and so people were messaging me. And I was searching the pages (with a crazed look on my face every time I was in the break room, I'm sure) as well, also being the one to message people. Every person I talked to I tried to get a feel for, and I went to their Facebook profiles to <of course> stalk them a little bit. So I start talking to this girl I had messaged: she seemed pretty normal, so I go to stalk her and I see we have mutual friends. And our mutual friend is not only a friend, but my BEST friend: Celeste Stringham!! So I automatically (naturally) interrupt our conversation to ask her how she knows Celeste, and come to find out they went on a humanitarian trip to Nepal together. I remembered Celeste going on that trip and was just so over the moon about it all. That settled things for me then and there; anyone good friends with Celeste was bound to be a pretty amazing human. And I was right. Jenna is a lovely roommate and was exactly what our house needed. A miracle. That little connection was all I needed to know that she was the roommate I was searching for.

Let's talk about the timeline a little more to really showcase how this was all divine intervention:
December 15ish: I start looking for houses
December 23: I set up a house tour, and we have 4 people
December 26: We are down to 3 roommates *panic panic*
December 27: We tour the house and are absolutely SMITTEN
December 28: We have the house!! Yay!!
December 28.... later: We have 4 people again! YEEhaww
December 30: We sign the lease
January 2-3: Move in
*I might also add that we had to be out of our previous housing by 11:00 am on January 3rd
*I might also add I had an audition at that exact same time, and was functioning on no sleep because of 4 parks 1 day and that it took 2 trips to get all my crap to our new place

But wow. We are in love with this house. I am so in love with this house. It's tucked away in an actual real life neighborhood, and it's literally everything I wished. With it being completely furnished I didn't need to scramble around trying to add "buying a bed" to my to do list. And I somehow ended up with the master bedroom? So I have a king-sized bed, with a walk-in closet, and a bathroom that is half the size of my bedroom; complete with a jacuzzi tub, two sinks, and a separate shower. And a door leading out to our pool. And from our back patio we can also watch the fireworks every night if we so wished. It really is something out of a fairytale. With how everything fell together, I know without a doubt that the Lord was helping me stay here in Florida. I can also see pieces of evidence even on things not working to help me get home. My mom kept choosing a weekend to come help me move and it kept not working out. My car didn't have a place to go. I know without a doubt this is where I'm needed right now. This is my home right now.

And with that mentality I happily moved forward.

I flew home to Utah for a little over a week right after my program ended to spend time with family and friends. Despite coming to love Florida, that doesn't mean I miss ya'll any less. Plus I didn't get to spend Christmas with my family, so we had a second Christmas when I got home which was really nice. My mom left the tree and decorations up, and we woke up early to exchange presents just like we would have on Christmas morning.

My holidays were interesting in 2018. But I still loved them all the same. Halloween I had to go to work, but it was honestly such a fun holiday to work. The keepers gave all the animals on the reserve a pumpkin/jack-o-lantern. So I was still driving in circles, but this time I got to watch a bongo monch on a pumpkin or an elephant pick a piece of a pumpkin up with his trunk or the hippo monch on his pumpkin or the dogs being scared of theirs. It was all rather lovely. I ended my spiel by saying, "Now we are in Africa, but if we happened to be in Florida instead, I might wish you a Happy Halloween."

With Thanksgiving I was lucky enough to have the day off. And a couple of my friends did as well! So Katie came over to my place in the morning and we watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and the dog show (just as important as the parade). It was lovely being in our pjs and just enjoying. After we got ready for the day, we drove over to Shannon's place and met up with her and Beth. The four of us went shopping for supplies and kinda went ham in the kitchen. We watched the Thanksgiving episodes of FRIENDS and I cross-stitched when I wasn't peeling potatoes and I was in charge of pies just like my mom and Beth made the turkey dance and it was all very good. Our meal didn't start until around 9 or 10, since we were waiting for everyone to arrive after work. Desiree, Kacy, Sarah, Stephanie... we had the whole gang and more. It made for a very lovely evening, and I couldn't remember a Thanksgiving I felt more grateful for all the people in my life!

And with Christmas I was just as lucky to have both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off. Not as many friends got those off however, so I just had a quiet time in my apartment. I cross-stitched til my fingers were raw trying to finish my bigger-than-planned Christmas project for Des, Sarah, and Katie. I Facetimed my family back at home for hours on end, just simply listening to their white noise. I spent Christmas Eve with, you guessed it, my 3 ladies: Sarah, Des, and Katie. We watched an anime and sat around laughing about anything and everything. And Christmas night was the same. Replaced with Gilmore Girls and Chinese Food. And we exchanged gifts. It was such a sweet night. And there has never before been a group of people that understands each other so utterly and completely. Everyone's gifts were spot on. We all just get each other. And love each other. Man I love those three more than words could ever say. 

Annnddddd New Year's Eve, ringin in this great happy year, was also spent with my girls watching Gilmore Girls. What a freaking life I lead (where you lead, I will followwww) (ooops sorry cheesy).

But back to being in Utah! It was so lovely to spend time with friends and family. I just packed my schedule full of being with the people I love. I ran out of time, so I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to, but like I said. Utah isn't going anywhere. (so hey people I love that live in Utah... also, don't go anywhere).
Being home gave me an inordinate amount of love and feelings of gratitude for all the people in my life. Scattered across the world, I have had a life full of stunning humans full of ridiculous amounts of life and love. I can't not be filled with absolute gratitude and love when I think about it. I don't think I could do this whole life thing without you all, so really, thank you. If you are reading this, you are loved by me. I know that without a doubt. If you ever need a pick-me-up, a reminder of your worth, literally anything. Please reach out to me. Let me try to repay you for what you've done for me. You've built this person that is just so ready to love and be a light to others. Someone who wants to make others happy. So let me make you happy.
Please.

So I'm back in Florida after a festival of life (lol @ me trying to sound poetic) in Utah, and I know I told you this is where I was meant to be. Without a shadow of a doubt, remember? Everything fell into place, there's no denying it or working around it. But every transition period is hard. And I'm here to tell you this one is no different. I left a job I loved, and have been applying to get another good one ever since. Disney and Universal have both left me unanswered and in the dark. So my little interview at SeaWorld came as a relief, and also a slight disappointment. Now there is nothing wrong with SeaWorld, I have plenty of friends in Florida that work for the company and really enjoy themselves. Buuttt for the most part they are all animal educators. (and of course you'd love that job, who wouldn't?) And I will be working food and bev. My training starts on the 29th, so here we go.
I kind of wallowed in self pity there for a bit, I won't lie to you. I went from the top tier attraction at Walt Disney World to food & bev at SeaWorld. How does that not hit you in the gut a little? And I am low on funds, so the fact that I'm waiting here on my couch for a week.... and then another week after the 29th to start ACTUAL training... what is happening here?? It's all been a lot to swallow. So yes. We wallow.

BUT.

This is just a stepping stone. I'm still applying. OH and also auditioning to perform at Disney, because that's another huge reason I stayed. Can't give up on that dream just yet either. But this job doesn't define me. I do not lose talent or credibility or worth because I am working in quick service.

Sometimes you just gotta watch a lot of Downton Abbey and vent to your roommates to get that little push you need to self love.

I also had a nice recenter-ing moment yesterday. I finally got out of the dark, and drove myself to the temple. I got my big boy pink heels on and jammed to music the whole way. And let me tell you, the very second that temple came into view: I was smiling ear to ear. A sudden wave of joy hit me full force and collided with my soul. And my smile only grew and grew as the temple grew and grew. Until there I was. A windy, cool day in Orlando, Florida. I step out of my car and lock eyes with a gardener. He smiles and waves and me, and I smile and wave back. I grab my temple bag and hold it tightly in both hands; holding it up to my chest. "There you are," I say to myself. Whether I was referencing the temple or myself is anyone's guess.
I walk towards the large white building in front of me marked "House of the Lord," listening to the click clack of my heels with satisfaction. Wind blowing my skirt and bangs, I felt a part of a movie. Like the world was all focused on me, and it felt right. I open my purse to take out my temple recommend before I walk through the doors. I don't want anything distracting me when I walk inside. It's in my hand, I'm still clutching my bag, and I'm still smiling. I walk forward, not entirely sure which part of the shining glass is the door, but confident I know I'll find out soon enough. And I walk through.
And here I am. Temple workers smiling at me, and only me. I seem to be the only visitor. And I walk inside, not knowing where I'm going at all, but there's a sweet lady's voice behind me whispering me to the right room. I change and each drop of white fabric soothes my skin and soul. Leaving my care and worries behind me, I go further into this beautiful place. White around every corner, and beautiful paintings filling the walls. Swirls and flowers and pastels. Smiles and open hands and love. I sit in a chapel and read a book I know so well like it's my first time reading it. Truth and light shine in a way that you don't notice in our imperfect world sometimes.
And I listen to the words of the temple, and see all the good around me.
And I see the people sitting next to me, and hear their conversations, and see all the good around me.
And I step in that room of white, and see all the good around me.
That oh, so perfect room.
Sitting in impenetrable peace and sweetness.
Feeling the warmth of light hit every corner of the room, every corner of you. Your dark crevices that have been needing dusting and cleaning out. They're suddenly brought to full attention and array.
And nothing can hit you in here, but gentle nudges and whispers from above.
That oh, so perfect room.
It let's you feel for a moment as if you were perfect too.

I sat on temple grounds for an hour even after I finally gathered up my strength to leave inside.
To say I was missing something is an understatement.
And I received answers to some questions.

So I'll answer maybe some more questions you might have:
I do not know the exact time I'll be leaving Florida, but it might be sooner than you think. My lease is good for a year, but that is the absolute longest I would be staying. And I could come home as soon as April. You never know. Life is full of surprises, and I learned in the temple what the Lord wants me to do for the next couple of months. So we'll see where I'm standing on that, and move forward when the time comes.
It's still really good weather here so if you're planning a trip to WDW or Florida in your near future... you should really come in December or January. Just saying.
Yes I miss performing. That's a big draw to coming back home to Utah! But I wanted to at least see what auditioning was like down here, and see what it feels like. There are so many opportunities, and it only takes one yes, but something I've learned about myself is that I rather enjoy community productions. Those are the people that give performing their full heart, because why else would they be doing it? They're not getting paid. So it really is just for their pure love of doing it.

If you have any other questions, lay 'em on me.


But I think that rather brings you up to date, doesn't it?

What's Bringing Me Joy Right Now:
-a photobooth picture
-our new COUCH (it looks purple at night, but it's really actually grey)
-writing new poetry again
-my best friend Katie
-talking to my best friends in our group chat
-nightly phone calls
-our Blue Door Babes house
-my newly decorated room, all to myself
-my roommates, seriously I lucked out you guys
-Downton Abbey
-Dodie's new EP "Human"
-the Orlando temple
-the Come Follow Me booklet
-feeling closure
-my new cute planner
-reading old emails and letters
-Marco Polo
-my jacuzzi bathtub
-the beautifulll weather we are having here in the fine state of Florida
-Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
-hosting our house warming party
-lots of sweatshirts and blankets