Just a Blog.
Hi there. *insert waving hand emoji*
Just your friendly neighborhood Jenni; man, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just a girl who loves to write. Letters to friends and poetry (for myself) mostly, but a girl who loves to write nonetheless. WOW this sounds so cliche already: "I'm just a girl who loves to write." Gag. At least I started off strong with a Spider-man pun. Yeah, that's right. Go re-read that second line.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish by starting a blog. I am proud of myself for getting this far, however. Setting up a blog exactly the way I want is proving far more difficult than I previously thought. All I should have to do is sit down and type, right? Wrong. I need to pick a domain, pick a blog name, pick a theme, etc, etc. All those tiny little details that do, in fact, matter. P.S. I hope ya'll* like the blog's name because it took me way too long to pick out.
*Not accurate depiction of how I speak
It is the first Sunday of the year today. January 7, 2018.* When I sat down to think of my resolutions for the new year, I tried thinking about what I wanted to accomplish the most. 2017 was a rough one people, I'm not going to lie about that. So when I think about 2018, I get a little giddy. Think of all the possibilities! A whole newworld year to do with as I please. A year full of new places to see, new people to meet, and new opportunities to seize. *cue newsies breaking out in song* I have goals for myself this year. Goals that don't necessarily have an end date, which makes them all the more exciting. I like the ambiguity of it all. I usually get so wrapped up in preparing for my future, and making plans that should be accomplished by "this" time. And when I am worrying about the future, and what I am supposed to be doing according to other people's timelines, I get frustrated, confused, and sad. Why am I not married/in a serious relationship? Why am I not working towards a degree? Why am I the only one that seems to be stuck on pause? But 2017 has been a year of learning, searching, and growing. Learning who I am right now, and that it's okay that I am not who I want to be quite yet. Searching for what makes me happy right now, and what leads to true happiness. Growing past things that were unhealthy, and growing into the life I want to lead for myself.
*I had no idea it would take me all the way until January 8th to finish this. I literally started at 8:00. Perfectionist, much?
This past year I took a break from school--working part-time and doing my favorite past time (musical theatre) instead. I got a lot of questions over the year about school, and they definitely always left me feeling a little self conscious. I wasn't in college while all of my friends were. What was wrong with me? Where was my drive? I felt as if other people thought I needed to grow up and start planning for my future instead of "playing dress-up" in musicals. Sometimes I felt that way too. But I never felt happy at the idea of going back to school. My drive was for musical theatre, for performing. Why did I need to go to school for that?
Now, let's backup a little. I did do a year of college at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah right after high school graduation, and loved it. I had great professors (lookin' at you, Ashley Szanter), the campus was gorgeous in the wintertime (helloooooo cute coatsss), and I loved the independence it brought for me. I liked time to myself, and I liked that all I had to do was go to my classes and learn without answering to anybody there. Hence the fact I didn't make a single friend in college (besides some pretty rad professors). Can you say: antisocial?
What mattered: Straight A's.
What didn't: Boys.
So if I loved college so much, why did I feel prompted to not go back? Was it actually a prompting? Well, I had gone into college thinking musical theatre was the only path for me. And then everything felt all wrong when I was looking into WSU's theatre program, annndddd any other university's theatre program for that matter. But musical theatre was still the only thing I had a real passion for, so what was wrong with me? If I loved theatre, why couldn't I commit to it the way that was needed in a college viewpoint?
And then I got called to serve for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo, Illinois for the summer of 2016. And that ended up being the best summer of my entire life. I met some of the most amazing people I know in this world, and I now get to be their family for eternity. I was on top of the moon, and I was counting my blessings on repeat. Coming home from that high was not easy, and trying to go back to deciding what major/what college was right for me was the last thing I wanted to think about. All of my new found friends (plus some old ones) called Provo, Utah their home; most claiming Brigham Young University as their school of choice as well. So that should have been the obvious choice right? That's what I thought too, and I had actually planned on applying to BYU even before my summer in Nauvoo. But I got home, and again, everything felt off. Everything about that choice felt wrong. Musical theatre in a school setting still didn't appeal to me. But I wanted to keep performing, since it was still my passion, so I just kept doing shows where and when I could. Community theatre mostly. And that's what I have been doing up until now.
At the beginning of 2017 I was still really struggling with the fact that I wasn't following the social norm. I wasn't onto the "next step." I couldn't decide if that meant I had skipped forward and was living the life I wanted, or if I hadn't found the life I wanted and was just playing a sad version of me. I tried to apply to be a YPM again, thinking I would find my future happiness by going backwards.
It didn't feel right.
I took my application out.
I thought about things I wanted to do, or places I wanted to go, but ultimately felt like those things came second to what I was doing at the moment. And really, what I was just doing was being a human. Living. And that was okay. And as I look back at my year now, I can see how I needed the experiences I've had while living here.
I WAS onto the "next step." I was just on MY next step. And my next step just happened to include far less homework than everyone elses. I realized that just because I wasn't in college at the moment, that didn't mean I would never be in college again! I needed that time away from school to take a deep breath and look at who I was. Who am I?24601
I'm someone who loves musicals. Stop.
I'm someone who loves Nauvoo. Stop.
I'm someone who loves Disney. Stop.
I'm someone who finds the greatest joy by making other people happy, and my favorite way to do that is by performing. Stop.
I'm someone who loves my friends and family fiercely, and they always come first. Stop.
I'm someone who loves the gospel and has found more peace in it then I ever have in anything else. Stop.
My next step was just being me. Once I got past the thought of "being who the world thinks I should be," and started being happy with "being who I need me to be," I started to find that pure joy I knew. Looking at 2017 in a worldly success viewpoint, I didn't do so great. But when I stat looking at it in personal successes, I can see how 2017 was needed in my personal progression. I learned how to be happy again! Truly, honestly, really happy. What bigger success could there be? I found my light and smile and remembered how happy I am when I am making someone else happy. Laughter is my favorite sound. And my family got out of the year alive, which I am grateful for. Those whacky people are my lifeline, and if they aren't there, who am I am going to call when I make it onto "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?"
EDIT: When I meant "my family got out of the year alive," I meant the humans I've come to know and love on this funny thing called life. I've mentioned it before, but unfortunately my 4th niece, Alissa Shirrel, didn't make it. We lost little Alissa in April, and that's something we'll not soon forget. Something I'll not soon forget. I'm sad I didn't have the chance to get to know her. But I'm grateful for the knowledge that I will get to know her someday.
Things 2017 Gave Me:
-5 new musical families and 5 new musicals I'll love forever because I had the chance to share them on stage (See photos below)
-My first professional theatre experience
-The realization that I am a professional actress because I consider myself one
-A dream trip to Disneyland
-The Disney vlogger @missshelbayy that re-inspired me to apply for the Disney College Program, something I've wanted to do for years now. (applications aren't out yet, and I couldn't be more anxious!)
-A re-found love for poetry writing through my good friend Seth
-My first church calling, and my second; which is far more terrifying than the first. Say hello to the Cherry Lane Ward's primary chorister.
-A trip to Arizona with my love, Emma Welch
-A roadtrip to Arizona with my peeps: Connor Workman and Anna Tanner (on both AZ trips we visited friends who lived there and it was always a glorious reunion)
-2 new Build-A-Bears
-A Nauvoo trip with my sister and two nieces where I think we both realized how much we love and need each other. Being in Nauvoo with someone who loves it in such a similar way as me was so beautiful.
-A queen sized bed
-A trip to The Playmill in Yellowstone and a trip to Tuacahn Amplitheatre in St. George to see great theatre
-Time with my family
-A years worth of 5 dollar Tuesday movie nights with Shirrel
-New opportunities to share my testimony: through social media and performing in and out of Church
-Time with my YPM family: including 2 additions to our family, Tanner and Hunter
-Joy in being me and that no one else is like me.
Goals for 2018:
-Apply for the Disney College Program
-Perform in at least one musical ("Thoroughly Modern Millie" at Beverly's Terrace Plaza Playhouse. Get your tickets!)
-Read at least one book a month (I used to love reading SO SO much. I miss it. So this goal is to remind me how much I love it. I'm off to a good start... I'm actually reading something haha)
-Start a blog (check)
-Move out
-Take an online class (starting tomorrow, that will be another check!)
-Do hard things
-Follow spiritual promptings
-Trips to the temple monthly
-Journal writing and scripture reading
-Continue trying to be the light in someone's life daily
-Be happy
Wow those are quite the lists. And they're both longer than I anticipated. And this whole POST is longer than I anticipated. (And it's taken longer to write than I anticipated. What can I say? I'm "just a girl who loves to write.") Honestly the biggest goal for 2018 is to stay happy in any endeavor I do, to see the positive before the negative. 2017 was a long year, and if nothing else, I want to keep the joy I found at the end of it. (Thank you "Savior of the World").
I'm still not sure why I'm doing this, or who I'm writing to. Who is my key audience (if I even have an audience)? Probably my family and perhaps a few friends from time to time. Honestly, this is just an over-the-top journal, lets be real. (Hence the title). It seriously just felt like a great way to start my year; by talking through all of the mess that was 2017. I learned how much I weirdly really like social media last year, and how I can use it as a tool for good. It makes me happy to post a good picture, or to write a birthday post, or to share the show I am in at the moment. Everyone is always talking about how social media is horrible and how it tears people down, but what about all the good it does? I have had so many people reach out to me because I was honest and open in a "silly Instagram post." I've made new friends because I was willing to share what I love and what I'm passionate about. Social media has been a strangely rewarding outlet for me this year. And because of that, a blog just seemed like the natural next step! So even if I only help one person by making this blog, and even if that one person is me, I will consider it worth it.
Just your friendly neighborhood Jenni; man, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just a girl who loves to write. Letters to friends and poetry (for myself) mostly, but a girl who loves to write nonetheless. WOW this sounds so cliche already: "I'm just a girl who loves to write." Gag. At least I started off strong with a Spider-man pun. Yeah, that's right. Go re-read that second line.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish by starting a blog. I am proud of myself for getting this far, however. Setting up a blog exactly the way I want is proving far more difficult than I previously thought. All I should have to do is sit down and type, right? Wrong. I need to pick a domain, pick a blog name, pick a theme, etc, etc. All those tiny little details that do, in fact, matter. P.S. I hope ya'll* like the blog's name because it took me way too long to pick out.
*Not accurate depiction of how I speak
It is the first Sunday of the year today. January 7, 2018.* When I sat down to think of my resolutions for the new year, I tried thinking about what I wanted to accomplish the most. 2017 was a rough one people, I'm not going to lie about that. So when I think about 2018, I get a little giddy. Think of all the possibilities! A whole new
*I had no idea it would take me all the way until January 8th to finish this. I literally started at 8:00. Perfectionist, much?
This past year I took a break from school--working part-time and doing my favorite past time (musical theatre) instead. I got a lot of questions over the year about school, and they definitely always left me feeling a little self conscious. I wasn't in college while all of my friends were. What was wrong with me? Where was my drive? I felt as if other people thought I needed to grow up and start planning for my future instead of "playing dress-up" in musicals. Sometimes I felt that way too. But I never felt happy at the idea of going back to school. My drive was for musical theatre, for performing. Why did I need to go to school for that?
Now, let's backup a little. I did do a year of college at Weber State University in Ogden, Utah right after high school graduation, and loved it. I had great professors (lookin' at you, Ashley Szanter), the campus was gorgeous in the wintertime (helloooooo cute coatsss), and I loved the independence it brought for me. I liked time to myself, and I liked that all I had to do was go to my classes and learn without answering to anybody there. Hence the fact I didn't make a single friend in college (besides some pretty rad professors). Can you say: antisocial?
What mattered: Straight A's.
What didn't: Boys.
So if I loved college so much, why did I feel prompted to not go back? Was it actually a prompting? Well, I had gone into college thinking musical theatre was the only path for me. And then everything felt all wrong when I was looking into WSU's theatre program, annndddd any other university's theatre program for that matter. But musical theatre was still the only thing I had a real passion for, so what was wrong with me? If I loved theatre, why couldn't I commit to it the way that was needed in a college viewpoint?
And then I got called to serve for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo, Illinois for the summer of 2016. And that ended up being the best summer of my entire life. I met some of the most amazing people I know in this world, and I now get to be their family for eternity. I was on top of the moon, and I was counting my blessings on repeat. Coming home from that high was not easy, and trying to go back to deciding what major/what college was right for me was the last thing I wanted to think about. All of my new found friends (plus some old ones) called Provo, Utah their home; most claiming Brigham Young University as their school of choice as well. So that should have been the obvious choice right? That's what I thought too, and I had actually planned on applying to BYU even before my summer in Nauvoo. But I got home, and again, everything felt off. Everything about that choice felt wrong. Musical theatre in a school setting still didn't appeal to me. But I wanted to keep performing, since it was still my passion, so I just kept doing shows where and when I could. Community theatre mostly. And that's what I have been doing up until now.
At the beginning of 2017 I was still really struggling with the fact that I wasn't following the social norm. I wasn't onto the "next step." I couldn't decide if that meant I had skipped forward and was living the life I wanted, or if I hadn't found the life I wanted and was just playing a sad version of me. I tried to apply to be a YPM again, thinking I would find my future happiness by going backwards.
It didn't feel right.
I took my application out.
I thought about things I wanted to do, or places I wanted to go, but ultimately felt like those things came second to what I was doing at the moment. And really, what I was just doing was being a human. Living. And that was okay. And as I look back at my year now, I can see how I needed the experiences I've had while living here.
I WAS onto the "next step." I was just on MY next step. And my next step just happened to include far less homework than everyone elses. I realized that just because I wasn't in college at the moment, that didn't mean I would never be in college again! I needed that time away from school to take a deep breath and look at who I was. Who am I?
I'm someone who loves musicals. Stop.
I'm someone who loves Nauvoo. Stop.
I'm someone who loves Disney. Stop.
I'm someone who finds the greatest joy by making other people happy, and my favorite way to do that is by performing. Stop.
I'm someone who loves my friends and family fiercely, and they always come first. Stop.
I'm someone who loves the gospel and has found more peace in it then I ever have in anything else. Stop.
My next step was just being me. Once I got past the thought of "being who the world thinks I should be," and started being happy with "being who I need me to be," I started to find that pure joy I knew. Looking at 2017 in a worldly success viewpoint, I didn't do so great. But when I stat looking at it in personal successes, I can see how 2017 was needed in my personal progression. I learned how to be happy again! Truly, honestly, really happy. What bigger success could there be? I found my light and smile and remembered how happy I am when I am making someone else happy. Laughter is my favorite sound. And my family got out of the year alive, which I am grateful for. Those whacky people are my lifeline, and if they aren't there, who am I am going to call when I make it onto "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?"
EDIT: When I meant "my family got out of the year alive," I meant the humans I've come to know and love on this funny thing called life. I've mentioned it before, but unfortunately my 4th niece, Alissa Shirrel, didn't make it. We lost little Alissa in April, and that's something we'll not soon forget. Something I'll not soon forget. I'm sad I didn't have the chance to get to know her. But I'm grateful for the knowledge that I will get to know her someday.
Things 2017 Gave Me:
-5 new musical families and 5 new musicals I'll love forever because I had the chance to share them on stage (See photos below)
-My first professional theatre experience
-The realization that I am a professional actress because I consider myself one
-A dream trip to Disneyland
-The Disney vlogger @missshelbayy that re-inspired me to apply for the Disney College Program, something I've wanted to do for years now. (applications aren't out yet, and I couldn't be more anxious!)
-A re-found love for poetry writing through my good friend Seth
-My first church calling, and my second; which is far more terrifying than the first. Say hello to the Cherry Lane Ward's primary chorister.
-A trip to Arizona with my love, Emma Welch
-A roadtrip to Arizona with my peeps: Connor Workman and Anna Tanner (on both AZ trips we visited friends who lived there and it was always a glorious reunion)
-2 new Build-A-Bears
-A Nauvoo trip with my sister and two nieces where I think we both realized how much we love and need each other. Being in Nauvoo with someone who loves it in such a similar way as me was so beautiful.
-A queen sized bed
-A trip to The Playmill in Yellowstone and a trip to Tuacahn Amplitheatre in St. George to see great theatre
-Time with my family
-A years worth of 5 dollar Tuesday movie nights with Shirrel
-New opportunities to share my testimony: through social media and performing in and out of Church
-Time with my YPM family: including 2 additions to our family, Tanner and Hunter
-Joy in being me and that no one else is like me.
Goals for 2018:
-Apply for the Disney College Program
-Perform in at least one musical ("Thoroughly Modern Millie" at Beverly's Terrace Plaza Playhouse. Get your tickets!)
-Read at least one book a month (I used to love reading SO SO much. I miss it. So this goal is to remind me how much I love it. I'm off to a good start... I'm actually reading something haha)
-Start a blog (check)
-Move out
-Take an online class (starting tomorrow, that will be another check!)
-Do hard things
-Follow spiritual promptings
-Trips to the temple monthly
-Journal writing and scripture reading
-Continue trying to be the light in someone's life daily
-Be happy
Wow those are quite the lists. And they're both longer than I anticipated. And this whole POST is longer than I anticipated. (And it's taken longer to write than I anticipated. What can I say? I'm "just a girl who loves to write.") Honestly the biggest goal for 2018 is to stay happy in any endeavor I do, to see the positive before the negative. 2017 was a long year, and if nothing else, I want to keep the joy I found at the end of it. (Thank you "Savior of the World").
I'm still not sure why I'm doing this, or who I'm writing to. Who is my key audience (if I even have an audience)? Probably my family and perhaps a few friends from time to time. Honestly, this is just an over-the-top journal, lets be real. (Hence the title). It seriously just felt like a great way to start my year; by talking through all of the mess that was 2017. I learned how much I weirdly really like social media last year, and how I can use it as a tool for good. It makes me happy to post a good picture, or to write a birthday post, or to share the show I am in at the moment. Everyone is always talking about how social media is horrible and how it tears people down, but what about all the good it does? I have had so many people reach out to me because I was honest and open in a "silly Instagram post." I've made new friends because I was willing to share what I love and what I'm passionate about. Social media has been a strangely rewarding outlet for me this year. And because of that, a blog just seemed like the natural next step! So even if I only help one person by making this blog, and even if that one person is me, I will consider it worth it.
Hi Jenni! Briana (Ingles) Clow here.
ReplyDeleteI just want to thank you.
I remember playing together in joy school when we were just tots. After that, our paths didn’t cross again until high school, and I looked up to you so much! You were the performer I longed to be. You had the friends I dreamed of hanging out with. I wanted so badly to be friends with you, but I was insecure and shy, so I never really reached out to you.
After reading this post, I’m regretting that even more. We are so similar! I’m going through some rough things that seem similar to what you described here. I feel kind of like a failure in multiple aspects of my life. It’s hard to look for the positive when everyone I talk to seems to judge my decisions poorly. But reading this gave me hope. If Jenni Cooper, THE Jenni Cooper who I secretly idolized in high school, if she can get through stuff like this with a smile, then maybe I can too! So, thank you. This post really inspired me. You are amazing.
-Briana
Oh Briana! My heart aches!! I do not deserve your praise and love! I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the thought of you idolizing me in high school! I was just this silly girl in love with musicals, still am! I wish I remembered joy school better, and I wish I would have reached out to you in high school! Know that you CAN get through anything, and I am happy to help in any way I can! Don't be afraid to reach out to me again! I loved reading this comment, it seriously brought me to tears. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
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