Share the Love.

So in my mind, a beautiful way to write this blog is every other week on Sunday nights.
Sunday nights are my favorite because they are quiet, they are spent with family and close friends, and you usually have a piece of chocolate cake or two. *cough ~or three~ cough*

Well, my calm Sunday nights have become a tiny bit less calm with the new semester. So I'm not sure how much I can do in the ways of bi-weekly posting on Sundays.. but gosh darn it, if I won't die trying. Because writing freelance is like a little mini-therapy session. And GURL I deserve that; #treatyoself. And I remember a seminary teacher once upon a time telling us we would be blessed if we chose to not do homework on Sundays; so really I am just being blessed by procrastinating... right?

I thought I would be less busy in January because December was such a crazy month. But that is definitely not the case. I would say I am busy in different ways, however. December was full of performing, Christmas traditions, family and friends time, and of course, work and my new calling. This month, however, is full of rehearsals, homework, homework, homework, and of course still work and my new calling. Plus I got a nasty little case of the stomach flu this week for a couple days (thank you Lexie). Less exciting stuff to be sure. I was excited for my online class; and I wouldn't exactly say I'm eating my words, but it is definitely different from what I expected. But isn't that always the story? I DO enjoy the learning bits, and one of my assigned books is actually a very nice read. But who EVER thought reading 200 pages per week was an attainable amount when you are a busy, working, college student? This is one class, people. 200 pages. Per week. And that requirement itself could possibly be reached IF college really was about just simply reading. But noooooo you have to read, dissect key terms, outline chapters, write learning objectives, understand the small print, know the facts and details about every subplot, etc, etc... college takes something you love--reading--and turns it into something to strike fear into the hearts of millions--homework.
Despicable, really.

So school is kinda kickin' my butt right now. And yes I'm complaining about one online class. *sigh*
Honestly, I do love being busy, and I do think I thrive off of a busy lifestyle. But sometimes I think performers go a little over the top. I was talking to a friend about this, and she said, "Performers think they can just do it all. They want to take on the world." And I feel that in me. I have a hard time saying no to people. I want to do so many things, and I want to do them all RIGHT NOW. I have this skewed perception that I have to do everything before I'm too old!! That everything can't wait and I need to keep moving forward and that I need to be doing a thousand things at once.
So the whole "moving forward" thing is great obviously, but I'm not so sure about the thousand things at once hah. And yet I keep doing that exact thing over and over and over.. Maybe I'll learn someday. But then again, probably not.

I mean, it's January and I'm already planning auditions and applications for this summer. How am I supposed to live in the moment if I forever have to be planning and preparing for my future? Because if I don't, it's inevitably going to catch me off-guard.

I've always been a planner. To-Do lists, planners, calendars--they're all my favorite things. And have been since jr. high school. Organization? My other favorite thing. As a child I used to organize our fridge for FUN. And if that doesn't give you insight to who I am as a person, nothing will.
I mentioned this in my last post as well, but I just love to plan. And sometimes I get so caught up in the fact that I don't have a "for sure" plan for my future. And it's frustrating that I keep changing my mind and my plans for my future. But then again, "the only constant is change."

But I guess what I have to get on-board with is that it is equally invigorating that I keep changing my mind. That I CAN keep changing my mind. That we are given endless possibilities and pathways in life, and we have the agency to choose for ourselves. That we could work for 7+ years towards becoming one thing, and yet wake up the next day and decide to become something else entirely instead. We are the only ones who can stop our progression. We are the only ones who can start it too. And the Lord sent us down here to find ourselves and to better ourselves. He gave us agency. So why do we think we need to stick to our 5 year plan we made?

I turn 21 in April, and to me that feels OLD. I keep asking myself a series of questions: What have I accomplished? What am I looking forward to? What do I wish I could have done by now? How will I work towards doing that in the future? Our lives are just these amazing unwritten stories we get to be the author of. We get to edit the parts we don't like and build on old stories and add characters and include new chapters all the time. Anytime. It's up to us.

So right now, I am happy that I am reading two giant textbooks and completely stressed out in every way. Because I am learning and I am writing and I am becoming. This class could link me to the Disney College Program; a goal I have for this year. This class could help me in my future; I could become a better person because of it. (Anything gives you the opportunity to be a better person). Or this class could just very well let me know that I am not cut out for online classes. But I'm still learning something, even if the final option is the final outcome.
I am happy that I am working and saving money in a job that I enjoy. No I don't love it all the time, but what's life without a little challenge?
 I am happy that I am in a musical that I love with people that I love at a theatre that I love. I am happy that people there love me. I am happy that I love them. I am happy that there are so many creative people involved that love all of it almost as much as I do. (So much love haha).
I am happy that I am the primary chorister simply because it is teaching me a million things about myself. The fact that I am not super happy being a primary chorister all the time. And that is okay. I love it while I am doing it, but why does everyone seem to think it's the best calling in the church? Dude. It's the HARDEST calling in the church. Preparing something every week has got me a little run dry, and my anxiety kicks in constantly. But I am happy that I know this is something I can do. I can do hard things.
I am happy that I am living at home and I get to spend extra time with the people I love before real adult life kicks in, and I have to grow up a tiny bit more.
I am happy doing every hard thing, every easy thing, every stupid thing, every blissful thing; everything. Life is meant to be experienced and loved. I know it's cheesy, but FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY. Today only happens once. (Wow sorry, I feel very cliche today).

Something I do to find joy in the journey everyday, is write down tender mercies/things that brought me happiness that day. It helps me focus on the good, even if I have rotten days. There is ALWAYS something good to be found.
So I think what I want to do is to share some of the things that are bringing me joy at the moment every post with you guys. Share the love.

What's Bringing Me Joy Right Now:
-5 dollar Tuesday movie nights at the Megaplex. My personal favorites right now are Coco, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, and The Greatest Showman. I highly recommend all of you reading this to go see all three. Seriously. They're ALL GOOD. Fandango the crap outta this rn.

-My Q&A Journal. This little journal has a question for every day of the year, and I answer the question before I go to bed each night. It has 5 years worth of space for answers, so you can see how your answers change from year to year. It's a little dose of self-love, and no surprise, I love it.
-My Picture-A-Day Disney Calendar. I think everyone should have a Disney Picture-A-Day calendar. How can you not smile with Baymax peeking up at you?
-My fuzzy Disneyland spirit jersey.
-My Savior of the World cast. I had the wonderful opportunity to see them all last night at a cast thank-you dinner, and I could not be more grateful for all those blessed faces. There was seriously so much love in that room it was overflowing. (Plus there was a huge table of desserts, so).

-Tap dancing in Thoroughly Modern Millie.
-My beautiful bff Emma who found her wedding dress and she is stunning.
-A girls night with my lovely ladies Abi and Sadie who gave me lots of much needed therapeutic talks. And an introduction into the world of hand wax.

-Gel nails. Especially after having ugly naked nails for so long.
-Dad and Lexie mischievously cutting the chocolate cake even though it wasn't cool yet. 
-The SNOW!! I listened to Christmas music as it was snowing, and it was like I had sunk right back into my happy place.
-Watching the classic My Little Pony episodes from the 80's with my niece. If she is going to like those ponies, she better watch the right ones.
-Disney vloggers on YouTube.
-Jukebox The Ghost's new single and tour dates being announced***
-1 Second a Day app.
***It's called "Everybody's Lonely" and it is magnificent. Also: this is my favorite band and if you've never heard of them (or if you've heard of them through me, but still haven't listened to them) go look them up immediately!! All of their albums are my favorite and they are seriously the greatest performers I've ever seen. They love what they're doing. And that's the best thing a performer could ever give you.

I honestly love talking about the things/people I love. I could go on forever, if you couldn't tell.

I hope these happy things will bring you even a tiny bit of the joy they've brought me, or inspire a spark for something that does bring you joy. Isn't it so wonderful we have so many things we love that make us us? Doesn't anyone else out there realize how freaking cool it is we get to pick things that we love and let those things become a part of us? That my entire mission knew how much I loved biscoff, and because of my pure love for it (and because it's ridiculously delicious) they all found a love for it too?
That's flippin' rad if you ask me.

So don't mind me. I'll just be over here loving life. Won't you join me?